Couple: What can you do if you don't want to make love at the same time?

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Extract from the article: Making love is a bit like artistic inspiration - you can't control it. In couples, the two libidos aren't always in sync, as some couples can attest. But not having the urge at the same time isn't a tragedy.

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Making love is a bit like artistic inspiration - you can't control it. In couples, the two libidos aren't always in sync, as some couples can attest. But not having the urge at the same time isn't a tragedy.

Incompatible levels of sexual desire within a couple are common and normal. In every couple, there's always the husband with a higher sexual desire and the wife with a lower one. These roles are reversible within the couple, and depend on which husband or wife you find yourself with. Everyone in this situation experiences this difficulty differently.

You have to learn to tolerate and manage this difference in each person's sexuality. This means keeping an open, authentic and honest dialogue about each person's sexual satisfactions and dissatisfactions. This is a universal difficulty, and one that can enhance sexual intimacy within the couple rather than detract from it.

Dealing with frustration

« I often feel like making love in the morning, before going to work.It gets me into shape », says Fabrice, 38, a teacher at a private school in Lomé.On the other hand, my wife Cécile isn't much of a morning person. In fact, she's been kind enough to let me know on several occasions, suggesting that I « fend for myself ». « I respect her time.Everyone has their own rhythm.I don't mind, I prefer to make love when we're both in agreement, and it still happens regularly, especially at weekends », smiles the teacher. 

Adopting a cruising rhythm

Albert, 34, a construction engineer, and Chantal, 30, a cashier in a microfinance store, have also taken up the challenge of finding a cruising rhythm for their couple's libido.

With routine, children and unforeseen events, sexuality can sometimes fall by the wayside.The couple paid the price a while back. « All we did was pass each other; our sexual rhythm was completely out of sync.We didn't even go to bed at the same time any more... So we instituted little rules to re-tame our bodies: dinner for two, a walk on the beach together, jogging together every Sunday afternoon.We're giving ourselves more and more sensual, very erotic moments », say the couple, who once came close to a sexual breakdown.Today, the atmosphere is more relaxed and conducive to getting closer.  You have to avoid pressure. You have to give it time and let the desire build.

William O.

Source: « Santé Magazine »